


Years of Hoping

by TonyOaksFanfics (Anthony_Hutchins)



Series: Kurny AU [6]
Category: Hollyoaks
Genre: Anal Sex, Brain Surgery, Cancer, Difficult Decisions, Dinner, Flashbacks, M/M, Music, Nipple Play, Oral Sex, Passion, Soulmates, Surgery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-27
Packaged: 2021-03-28 19:01:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30144150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anthony_Hutchins/pseuds/TonyOaksFanfics
Summary: Kurt battles cancer, and Tony vows to make his last years the best he ever had
Relationships: Tony Hutchinson/Kurt Benson
Series: Kurny AU [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2012752
Kudos: 5





	1. Coping with the End

Tony and Kurt stared blankly for a moment as Misbah uttered the words… 

"Brain Cancer." She continued. "Now we can take Kurt in for surgery, but this is something he'll have to consent to." 

"What do you say?" Tony asked him. 

"What are the risks?" Kurt asked. 

"There's risks of clotting and bleeding." Misbah explained. "But that's only in rare cases." 

"So it's likely I'll be fine?" Kurt asked with hope. 

"Well I don't want to give you false hope." She said. "But the sooner we book in, the better." 

"Then do it." Kurt griped. "Fix me!" Tony looked at him with fear. 

"We'll have to keep you in until we've done the surgery." Misbah explained. 

"I'll visit you tomorrow okay?" Tony said to him. 

"Thank you." Kurt smiled weakly. Tony got up to leave, he leaned on the door frame and sobbed quietly. The love of his life had cancer. 

He returned home and sat on the sofa, he pulled out his phone but quickly realised he had no one he could call. 

Verity, Diane, Darren, Luke, all dead… he lay back on the sofa and soon fell asleep. 

"Tony…" Diane chirped. Tony opened his eyes to find Diane standing over him. 

"You're dead…" He pointed at her. 

"I wouldn't be the first person you've seen in a dream." She replied. 

"That's true." Tony sobbed quietly. 

"So, what's up?" She asked as she sat next to him. 

"Kurt's…" Tony didn't bother to sugar coat it this time. "Kurt's dying." 

"The bleeding." She said softly. 

"I should've noticed." Tony sighed. 

"Well, what are you gonna do about it?" She asked. 

"Why do you suddenly care?" Tony scoffed. 

"I'm your manifestation of a dream state." She replied. "I only care about what you care about." 

"I don't want Kurt to die." Tony hung his head and Diane stood up. 

"Then instead of moping." She glared down at him. "Do something." 

"Like what?" Tony asked. 

"Let him live his life, do everything you never thought of." She shouted. 

Tony awoke in a cold sweat, he knew what he had to do. He rushed back to the hospital where Kurt was lying staring at the TV, still frowning. 

"Kurt!" Tony walked in and Kurt smiled weakly at him. 

"Hey, you came back." Kurt said. 

"I couldn't stay away." Tony choked. 

"Don't worry about old me." Kurt sighed. 

"What's up?" Tony asked him and Kurt looked at him. 

"There's so many things I wanted to do before I died." He rested his head and sighed and Tony noticed a list on the side. 

"Reunite with Tony." He smiled as it was crossed off. "One more meal with Lucy. Spend the night with my soulmate…" Tony kept reading. 

"Seems impossible now." Kurt sighed again. 

"But it's not, we can do everything on this list!" Tony stroked his forehead. "And when you recover, you'll feel so good that you did." 

"Fulfill all my wishes." Kurt reached out a hand. 

"All of them." Tony smiled at the list. "Every last one."


	2. Our Precious Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Kurt waits for surgery, Tony reminds him why they fell in love

Tony sat by Kurt's bed for the rest of the day, when Misbah leaned against the wall and smiled. 

"Tony, I'm heading out." She smiled at him. 

"Can I stay?" Tony asked. "I don't wanna miss a moment." 

"Okay, just make sure he rests." Misbah said as she left. Kurt smiled at Tony through darkened eyes. 

"Thank you." He whispered. 

"Save your strength." Tony stroked his hand. 

"I'm so tired." Kurt whimpered. 

"Maybe I could sing you to sleep?" Tony asked. 

"You've been practicing?" Kurt laughed, before coughing violently. 

"For thirty years…" Tony frowned. "Another thing I learned from you." 

"Show me." Kurt smiled. 

"Okay, then you get some rest." Tony tried to think about Kurt not waking up. Maybe he was being silly. 

"I cried a tear, you wiped it dry. I was confused, you cleared my mind." Tony sang as he stroked Kurt's forehead, Kurt smiled brightly.

"I sold my soul, you bought it back for me. And held me up and gave me dignity… Somehow you needed me." Kurt smiled brightly at that line. "You gave me strength, to stand alone again, to face the world." 

"On my own again, you put me high, upon a pedestal…" He smiled as a tear formed in Kurt's eye. "So high that I can almost see eternity. You needed me…"

"And I can't believe it's you, I can't believe it's true." He rested his head on Kurt's hand as he continued. "I needed you, and you were there. 

"And I'll never leave, why should I leave? I'd be a fool because I finally found someone who really cares…" Tony sang softer as he felt Kurt's fingers relax, he was drifting off. 

"You held my hand when it was cold. When I was lost you took me home. You gave me hope when I was at the end…" He sang in almost a whisper now. 

"And turned my lies back into truth again. You even called me friend. You gave me strength, to stand alone again." He bit his tongue to stop himself from breaking down.

"To face the world, out on my own again." He felt Kurt breathe gently. "You put me high upon a pedestal, so high that I could almost see eternity." 

"You needed me." He sighed as he felt Kurt breathe in his sleep. He stood up and kissed him gently. "You needed me." 

He leant down and rested his head on the bed, gripping Kurt's hand tightly, the two slept like this for the whole night until Tony was awoken with a start. 

"Tony?" Misbah asked through the door. 

"Yeah?" He asked, wearily. 

"It's time for the surgery." She said. "We better take him down." 

"Good luck beloved." Tony smiled at Kurt. Who smiled back. 

"See you soon my love." Kurt smiled back as he was wheeled away. Tony frowned at the door. 

"Please be okay."


	3. A Dream Come True

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After surgery, Tony begins the bucket list.

It felt like forever before Misbah returned to the waiting room. 

"He's done." Misbah looked at him concerned. "But don't you think you should go home?" 

"And miss him leaving surgery?" Tony scoffed. "Never." Misbah raised an eyebrow, but led him to Kurt. He was lying, staring. 

"Hey…" Tony smiled as he entered. 

"You're still here?" Kurt laughed. 

"Of course." Tony said. "I couldn't bear to go." 

"I'm glad." Kurt reached out a hand. "I couldn't do this without you." 

"You'll never have to." Tony sat by him as they waited for Misbah. They stared at each other for a while, she soon returned. 

"So, the surgery was a success." She smiled. 

"Does that mean?" Tony asked but Misbah frowned. 

"I'm sorry, it's already spread." She looked at Tony, then Kurt. 

"What now?" Kurt asked. 

"For now, nothing." Misbah touched his leg through the sheet. "But you can come in every week for radiotherapy." 

"Will that get rid of it?" Tony asked her with fear. 

"I don't know, honestly." Misbah sighed. "But it's worth a try." 

"I guess that's fine." Kurt said, smiling. "Any chance is a good chance." 

"And it means I can help you fill out this list." Tony laughed. 

"No one I'd rather spend my final years with." Kurt stroked Tony's cheek and Tony gasped. He grabbed Kurt's hand and pulled it down. 

"Don't say that." He frowned. "You're not going anywhere." 

A few days later Kurt was released and given the appointment for his first radiotherapy. He seemed, okay… he could stand, walk and even talk easily. But Tony knew this was only early stages. 

"So… what do you wanna do first?" Kurt asked, Tony opened the list and smiled. 

"Dinner at The Hutch, we can mark that one off right now." Tony grabbed his hand and the two walked together. They soon arrived at The Hutch, on entering they were met with cheers. 

"Surprise!" Came the simultaneous shouts of Natasha, Nancy, Maddie and Jambo. 

"You guys…" Kurt cried a little. 

"Tony told us you were coming so we had the place set up specially for you." Natasha smiled as she pulled out a pen and paper. 

"You work here now?" Tony asked. 

"I asked and Nancy said it's okay." Natasha frowned. Tony seemed to get angry, but then he saw Kurt, smiling back, happy. 

"It's fine." He smiled at Kurt, anything to keep him happy. 

"Can I get you started on some drinks?" She asked. Tony flinched, he knew what he wanted but he sucked in a breath. 

"Water…" He smiled. 

"And Kurt?" She asked. 

"Same…" The two looked at each other across the table. Nancy watched as they stared into each other's eyes for a few moments. 

"Your guitar, as requested." Nancy said handing it to Kurt. 

"What's this?" Tony asked him. 

"You've been so kind to me…" Kurt smiled. "I thought I'd reward it with a song." Tony smiled brightly as he said that, he always loved Kurt's singing. 

"Sometimes I wake up with sadness. Other days, it feels like madness. So, what would I do without you?" Kurt dripped love from every word and Tony listened intently. 

"When colours turn to shades of grey, with the weight of the world at the end of the day, oh, what would I do without you?" He smiled at Tony, colour finally in his skin. 

"A decade goes by without a warning." He played merrily. "But there's still a kindness in your eyes. Between the questions and the worry, a peace of mind always takes me by surprise." 

He played without singing for a moment, letting the music wash over The Hutch as Nancy, Natasha, Jambo and Maddie listened. 

"I feel like I'm walking with eyes as blind as a man without a lantern in a coal mine. What would I do without you?" He looked at Tony. "My imagination gets the best of me, I'm trying to hide lost at sea. What would I do without you?"

"The difference between what I've said and done…" He sighed. "And there's still a kindness in your eyes." 

"A guilty soul and a worried mind, I would never make it, if I'm on my own." He began to play again, letting the music fill the room as the staff cooked. Nancy smiled at them, happy to see them finally at peace. 

"So you got the morning, I got midnight. You are patient, I'm always on time. What would I do without you?" He smiled and threw his head back. "You got your sunshine, I got rain clouds." 

"You got hope, I got my doubts…" Tony would come to realise how much that meant. "What would I do without… you?" 

Kurt stopped and panted. 

"You've exhausted yourself." Tony panicked. 

"I'm fine, after some grub I'll be up and running again." He smiled. 

"I hope so." Tony grabbed Kurt's hand. "Just don't overdo it." 

"I won't." Kurt smiled contently for a moment before Jambo presented their plates. 

"Now eat up you two." Jambo grinned. 

"Yeah…" Tony crossed it off the list. "We got one more thing to check off tonight."


	4. Midnight Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SMUT WARNING -
> 
> Tony and Kurt spend a night together, could it be the last?

Kurt and Tony walked home hand in hand that night, the kids were still with Dom, Tony didn't want them to see Kurt in this condition. 

He led Kurt up to the bedroom and the two lay down. Tony cuddled close to Kurt and smiled as his arms wrapped around him. 

"You know…" Tony started. "There is one thing on your bucket list we could do now." 

"Oh yeah?" Kurt asked. 

"If you're not too tired." Tony stroked a line up Kurt's arm and he smiled. 

"With you, never." Kurt smiled and pulled Tony in for a kiss, gentle and smooth. Their tongues greeted, like old friends. 

"Tell me what you want…" Tony said, feeling Kurt's hot breath on his face. 

"You, all of you." Kurt said and Tony smiled as he peeled back Kurt's jacket, his skin still had the natural tan colour it always did. 

"Then take me." Tony replied. Kurt slipped off Tony's jacket and they kissed again, passing only to pull Tony's jumper off. 

"You're so beautiful." Kurt smiled. The two stared at each other for a moment, both were shirtless, facing each other. Kurt lowered his head and began licking Tony's chest. 

"Oh…" Tony gripped the headboard and threw his head back. "That feels amazing." He closed his eyes as pleasure washed over him, Kurt began to suck his nipple and Tony bit his lip. Kurt knew how to pleasure him. And he did it well. 

Kurt crawled back up and caught Tony's lips again as he fumbled with Tony's belt, soon it was on the floor and Kurt was facing a sight he hadn't seen in a long time. 

"Is this okay?" Kurt asked as he gripped Tony's penis. 

"More than okay…" Tony let out a gasp as Kurt wrapped lips around the throbbing head. "Oh yeah." Tony let go of the headboard and sank into the pillows as Kurt's tongue probed his head. 

Kurt moaned into Tony's cock as he sank lower, Tony let out little gasps and whines as he felt Kurt's throat muscles squeeze him. He gripped the sheets and let out little squeaks as Kurt released him with a wet pop. 

"You wanna go further?" Kurt asked him and Tony stared, flustered. 

"Please more…" He gasped. Kurt stood up and removed his own trousers, he fell to his knees again, gently teasing Tony's hole with his finger. 

"Yeah, like that." Tony put his hands behind his head, he was in heaven. Kurt was an adonis when it came to sex. 

Kurt pushed in a finger and Tony fought the urge to play with himself, even more when Kurt's tongue found its way to his stretched, sensitive hole. 

"Ready?" Kurt asked. 

"Do me." Tony panted, Kurt obliged, climbing onto the bed and putting Tony's legs over his shoulders. He stared down at his beloved as the bulging head of his pulsing cock rested at Tony's entrance. 

Tony let out a soft moan as the head disappeared inside. Kurt wasted no time and kept pushing, he fell forward once he was inside, resting his head on Tony's shoulder as he felt Tony tighten, and then relax around him. 

"You're so fucking tight." Kurt panted. 

"Cos you're so big." Tony complimented him and Kurt lifted his head, staring into the beautiful blue eyes in front of him. The two seemed content, complete. Completely connected. 

Then Kurt pulled back for a thrust, Tony moaning loudly, Kurt knew how to hit that spot inside him. The spot that always made him lose control. 

They locked lips again, moaning into each other's mouths as Kurt thrust purposefully. The sound of his pendulous balls slapping Tony's ass cheeks filled the room.

"Fuck, more, harder." Tony begged and Kurt obliged, he lust getting the better of him, Tony reached his hand down to grab his own cock and Kurt pumped furiously. 

"I'm close." Kurt gasped as he felt himself reach the point of no return. 

"I want it all, inside me." Tony begged. Kurt grinned, Tony was never so filthy before. 

"Then here it comes." Kurt groaned as he fired his piping hot cum deep into Tony's rectal passage. Tony cried out as let go too, shooting loads all over Kurt, some dripping down onto his own body. 

Kurt stayed as he was for a moment, staring into Tony's eyes as he emptied the last of his seed inside him. 

"Oh god…" Tony panted as Kurt pulled out his sticky, semi hard cock and grinned. 

"That's the best we ever had." Kurt gasped. Tony smiled, seeming like he'd forgotten his illness, at least for tonight. 

"Well we can definitely do that again." Tony said, shifting closer, his cum still covered their bodies, the sticky mess mingling as they cuddled. 

"Definitely." Kurt smiled, he grinned brightly as he closed his eyes. Tony raised a hand to his neck, just to check his pulse. 

He was okay, and that night would live on in memories forever.


	5. Do You Remember?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lying in bed, Tony and Kurt remember the past?

The two lay together, Tony resting his band on Kurt's bare chest. It was warm, warmer than it should be. He let out a deep sigh. 

"I missed nights like this." He said as he cuddled him. 

"Me too." Kurt sighed, he stroked Tony's hair. 

"Do you remember, the first time?" Tony asked, circling a finger on Kurt's chest. 

"How could I forget…" Kurt began. "Way back in 1996."

18th March 1996 - 

Kurt sat on a box in Tony's room as Tony sat nearby, messing with Kurt's guitar. 

"It'll be a while before you're any good." Kurt laughed. 

"Oi!" Tony threw a stuffed animal at Kurt and he fell backwards off the box. 

"Just telling the truth mate." Kurt laughed as he got up. 

"Well I'll prove you wrong." Tony smirked and began to play again, a little better but not even close to well. 

"Come on mate, we gotta get ready for the party." Kurt rolled his eyes. "Natasha's waiting." 

"You're obsessed!" Tony stood up and reached into his drawer. "She's your girlfriend, not your wife." 

"You're just jealous." Kurt chuckled. "Cos you've not got a girl." 

"Maybe I don't want one." Tony laughed and Kurt raised an eyebrow. He leaned back and watched as Tony pulled a shirt from the draw, discarding his current one. 

"Besides, more trouble than it's worth." Tony turned and lifted his arms to spray some deodorant. Kurt stared, unable to take his eyes off Tony's chest. 

"Get a move on Tone." Kurt laughed, trying to take his eyes off of him. Tony slipped on the new shirt and smiled. 

"How do I look?" Tony asked. 

"Perfect." Kurt smirked. Tony looked at him, he noticed Kurt was looking him up and down. 

"You alright?" Tony asked, a little nervous. 

"Fine. Why do you ask?" Kurt said, snapping out of it. 

"You seem flustered…" Tony queried but Kurt brushed him off. 

"Nah we should probably get going." Kurt stood up but locked eyes with Tony. 

"Yeah… we should." Tony reached out to brush something off Kurt's shoulder, the two spent an uncomfortable moment staring into each other's eyes. 

"Any moment." Kurt whispered, stepping forward. 

"Yeah." Tony's hand drifted up to Kurt's face and stroked his chiseled jaw. 

"Tony…" Kurt whispered, his breath hot on Tony's face. 

"Don't speak." Tony closed his eyes and pressed his lips to Kurt's, he pulled back and sighed. 

"Don't stop." Kurt grabbed Tony's face and pulled him back in, kissing him fiercely. The heat of their lust taking over. 

Tony stepped back, leading Kurt towards the bed, when the door opened. 

"Kurt are you ready?" Natasha asked, she turned her head and saw Kurt and Tony tangled together. 

"Natasha it's not…" Kurt began but she put her hand to her mouth.

"You're…"

November 29th 2024 - 

"Of course we know how that ended." Kurt sighed, stroking Tony's hair. 

"Natasha faking her death and disappearing for twenty eight years?" Tony raised an eyebrow. 

"Sucks that we had to feel guilty for so long…" Kurt frowned. 

"Well not anymore." Tony kissed Kurt's chest. "Cos no matter what, we always found our way back to each other." 

"Always." Kurt smiled as he slipped off to sleep. Tony looked up. 

"Kurt?" He smiled as he saw Kurt's chest rise and fall, indicating breathing. "Goodnight beloved." 

Tony nuzzled into Kurt's chest, his ear pressed firmly, he could hear Kurt's heartbeat. He knew that tonight, Kurt was alright. Tony drifted to sleep, Kurt's gentle breathing soothing his nerves.


	6. I Can't Love You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can Tony accept the truth?

29th December 1998 - 

Kurt lay back on Tony's bed, throwing a ball upwards, he turned his head to wear Tony was messing with his guitar. 

"Be careful with that." Kurt smirked. "I got a concert tonight." 

"I know, I just love playing it." Tony smiled. 

"I got a special song for you tonight." Kurt smiled. "Gonna tell some truths." 

"Well lemme hear it." Tony smiled, handing over the guitar. 

"It'd spoil the surprise." Kurt gasped. 

"You know I hate surprises." Tony frowned. 

"If you're sure…" Kurt sighed as he sat up, holding the guitar tightly. 

"Go on…" Tony smiled and Kurt let out a breath, he began to play. 

"He is sensible, and so incredible. All my single friends are jealous." He closed his eyes in fear of a reaction. "He says everything I need to hear and it's like I couldn't ask for anything better." 

"He opens up my door. And I get into his car. And he says, "you look beautiful tonight"..." Kurt breathed out. "And I feel perfectly fine." 

"But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain. It's 2am and I'm cursing your name." Kurt sang flawlessly and Tony watched, trying to process. "You're so in love that you act insane, and that's the way I love you." 

"Breakin' down and coming undone. It's a roller-coaster kinda rush. And I never knew I could feel that much. And that's the way I loved you…" Kurt's breath hitched, he kept his eyes closed. 

"He respects my space and never makes me wait. And he calls exactly when he says he will. He's close to my mother, and talks business with my father. He's charming and endearing and I'm comfortable." Kurt didn't look as he drifted into the last verse. 

"He can't see the smile I'm faking… And my heart's not breaking. Because I'm not feeling anything at all." Kurt tried to open his eyes but he couldn't. "And you were wild and crazy. Just so frustrating, intoxicating, complicated, got away by some mistake and now…" 

"I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain. It's 2am and I'm cursing your name." He sighed. "You're so in love that you act insane. And that's the way I loved you." He picked up. 

"Breaking down and coming undone, it's a roller-coaster kinda rush…" He panted. "I never knew I could feel that much and that's the way I loved you…" 

Kurt panted lightly as he finished the song, he slowly opened his eyes to find Tony staring at him. 

"You can't seriously be considering performing that…" Tony grimaced as he stared. 

"Well yeah, it's been years." Kurt sighed. 

"And you're married." Tony glared. 

"To a woman I don't love." Kurt lowered his head. "So that's a no then." 

"No." Tony stood up. "Change the song."

"You're still coming right." Kurt asked. Tony sighed. 

"Yeah, just to make sure you don't screw up." Tony slammed the door and Kurt sat dumbfounded. He slipped out the window before Tony could come back. 

"Another song." Kurt looked at his wedding ring. "I'm not happy with Ruth, no chance with Tony." He sighed to himself. 

"Why should I stay?"


End file.
